Our Love Story
INTRODUCTION —
Beginning autumn of two thousand fourteen, our love story unraveled. A story marked with grace and purpose, we cannot tell this story without sharing God’s divine hand at work through the intricacies of each detail. This is our very own love story, hand crafted and written by a Father who knows us all too well.
We have been wanting to document and share our story with all the details and personal anecdotes, and thought what better place to share than here. You’ll hear bits and pieces from each of us as we share things from our individual perspectives. This is our personal journey, our story of trusting God and allowing Him to take the lead.
So pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee, and get cozy. Our hope is that as you read this story, you’ll be reminded of God’s never ending faithfulness, of how good He really is, and of just how well He knows each of our heart’s desires, down to the detail. It’s a beautiful thing to look back, celebrate our story and see how far we’ve come. And it’s crazy to think this is all only the beginning.
PART 1 THE BEGINNINGS | SHARON
I don’t remember the first time I met James. It was probably during Sunday school or a church outing or something of the sort because we basically grew up in church and have known each other since childhood. He was that short, smart Asian kid that had a lot of friends and talked a lot. For me at least, that was as far as my perception of him went. It’s safe to say I had no feelings whatsoever for him, growing up (sorry, James!).
Fast forward a few years later, throw in a growth spurt and a dashing smile, my view of James was surprisingly different. Yeah, he was still that smart Asian guy that now went to Berkeley, but he was now tall and handsome, with a strong confident character that I always found attractive. But of course, these were thoughts and observations I didn’t give much thought to. One of the main reasons being, he was a year younger than me and that simply was not something I was going for. God sure has a sense of humor, doesn’t He?
2014 was the year everything changed. I had just been through a difficult season, learning how to yield to God's plans over mine. Somehow through all the challenges, I fell in love with Jesus like I had never loved Him before. When I look back, I always remember those months as one of the most beautiful seasons of my life. Sometimes surrendering the hardest things to God can result in the most beautiful exchange. I found a confidence in Christ I had never known. It was a season of letting go and seeing that God did indeed know what He was doing.
PART 2 THE BEGINNINGS | JAMES
I love telling the story of how Sharon and I met... not only because it is a beautiful love story, but because I simply cannot tell it without talking about God. Time and time again, I see the beauty of the Father’s handwriting in the story of our life together, and this crazy, undeserved love story is just a shadow of His grace in my own life.
My side of the story starts far before Sharon’s.
It doesn't even really start with her. To truly understand the awe of what God did in our lives, you need to know what I had come through and where God brought me from. The six months prior to this whirlwind of meeting Sharon were the most difficult season of my life. I had just gotten out of a serious relationship, which was the first domino to fall. Over the following months, I looked to my fraternity and the community I had built with these brothers as my sense of purpose and identity, but when I was trusted with an executive role and made a number of mistakes, the one thing I thought I could do right was crumbling from underneath me.
I made every desperate attempt to cope with it all, but I found myself in a rapid downward spiral. Nothing seemed to fill the void I felt - I would go out and drink more, only to find that under the surface was just blind rage. Getting high would numb the pain for minutes, maybe even hours, but after sinking back to reality I felt lower than ever. I didn't want to go out and see or talk to anyone, and my friends didn't understand what was going on with me. I stopped going to classes and began failing school. I would sleep - for hours on end, hoping to hide from the painful reality that I was digging myself into. The depression was crushing me.
Megacamp in November 2014. Pastor Jay Koopman was the guest speaker, preaching a message on forgiveness and God’s “love on repeat”. On a Saturday night service, during a moment of deep worship, I found myself kneeling on the floor, overwhelmed by the presence of God. I heard Him say one phrase, "James, give Me your depression."
I wept. It wasn't that easy. Everything I was going through - all the pain, hurt, bitterness, rage, thoughts of worthlessness, shame, fear of failure, even thoughts of suicide - could God really deal with it all in one moment? How?? I had tried everything - sex, drugs, and alcohol, but nothing "worked". I wrestled with the idea, and in my brokenness I fought with God. To my surprise, in that moment, all I felt was the overwhelming peace of a Father. I knew those words all too well: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." I didn't know how it would work, or if it even would, but I was going to trust God with whatever happened next.
Enter Sharon.
I remember looking up from where I knelt, and found only one other person on her knees in worship — Sharon Joy Tan. I thought to myself, “This girl… she gets it.” That evening, after a powerful service and a personal God-encounter that changed the course of my entire life, a few friends had the idea of staying up and stargazing. We walked by one of the cabins, asking others to join our adventure; out walks none other than Sharon. My heart skipped a beat at the idea of her tagging along, only to sink again when she declined the offer - I didn’t know it yet, but something about this girl had me captivated.
Later that week, I boarded my flight back to Berkeley to finish out the semester. I hung up on my wall the key necklace that I had made during that weekend, with the numbers “418” engraved on it - a reminder of the words in 1 John 4:18 that had brought me through the life-changing few months prior. “There is no fear in love, for perfect love casts out fear.”
It was a day like any other - I sat in my apartment, scrolling through Instagram. Scroll, scroll, scr— STOP. No way. How is this even possible?? A new post by @sharonjoytan: a picture of a key necklace with the words stamped on - “No Fear”. The caption read: "There is no fear in Love…” I couldn’t believe my eyes. Was this some kind of sign?
My mind started to race. I had just stepped away from a messy breakup, and was by no means looking for a relationship, but I knew the next one would have to be “the one”. I had been hurt enough and was done messing around. I started to think of everything that I looked for in a future wife, and the list looked a little like this:
• Someone who not only loves God, but is completely sold out for Jesus
• Has a good family background and relationship with parents, sibling, etc.
• Comes from a family that will be able to integrate well with my own
• Has a similar, if not identical, cultural background (Chinese-Indonesian)
• Born and raised in the United States
• Is very, very pretty
• Last, and actually maybe least, but still important: Has a slightly darker complexion than me (Yes, James has a type. And yes, Sharon is it. Haha)
Every single item was checked. Down to looks. This girl was everything I had ever dreamed of.
A couple weeks passed, and Thanksgiving rolled around. I came home and was spending time with my dad; he asked me how thing were with school, life, etc. Then he asked me the million dollar question, “Any girls?” I was never one to share about this area of my life, and to this day I still don’t quite know why I did this, but I told him, “Actually, yes.” I shared about how I had been THINKING of Sharon the past few weeks, and how I was interested in… the pastor’s daughter.
His eyes lit up. He started to get excited and began telling me that this was the answer to his and my mom’s prayers. “What?! That I would find someone?” I interjected. “Well, that’s what your mom prays. I prayed and asked God, ‘Lord if it’s possible, would you bring James and Sharon together?’”
I couldn’t believe my ears. My dad then proceeded to tell me what the “game plan” was. (Uncle Iwan is the true homie.)
Here’s what he said (in my words): You (James) have to approach her soon, because plenty of guys are interested in Sharon, but the key (and evidently the mistake he thought the other guys were failing to do) was this - ask for her parents’ permission first. Plenty of other guys made the mistake of directly approaching her first, in the hopes of catching her interest; the way to do it would be to honor her parents by asking for their blessing before even getting to know her. And now, you have to make your move this weekend and try to talk to her, otherwise your next shot won’t be until another 3-4 weeks during Christmas, and who knows who might make a move by then! Approach her, see if she is interested, pray about it, and talk to her parents, then you can move forward. I (dad) can talk to her parents and try to set up a family dinner, and the kids can all come and hang out, and you can use that as your opportunity to get to know her!
WHOA. Slow down, Dad. I don’t even know this girl. We had never really talked or hung out… we had known of each other all our lives, but Sharon Tan was basically a stranger to me. I couldn’t just talk to her and blurt out how I felt.
That was Thursday afternoon. Friday went by. Saturday evening. I remember attending Devin Tenoyo’s 25th birthday party, which Sharon was in charge of - I thought maybe I could talk to her then. We attended the party and I saw her in the backyard of the house… but I chickened out. We had grown up together, our parents had been friends for over three decades, we had served in the same church for nearly our entire lives, but I could not talk to this girl. I defeatedly went home, and talked to my parents that night. My dad the matchmaker mastermind was telling me that tomorrow was my last shot, and I had to make the move. I told him I would pray about it, and said goodnight.
Walking back into my room, I took a moment to pray. I made a very specific request to God: Lord, this is crazy. Everything is moving so fast; this was just thoughts in my head a few weeks ago, and here I am, thinking about talking to this girl of my dreams. If this is really You, I need to be sure. If You’re not in this, I don’t want to do it. If You’re the One behind all of this, give me a dream about it.
And I went to sleep.
Incidentally, I had a dream that night. Just like a recent memory, I found myself on the cliffs of San Diego, being strapped in to a paragliding harness. I protested with the instructor who was strapping me in, telling him I was wearing the wrong clothes, that I did not want to jump off the cliff, I was afraid of heights, didn't know what I was doing, etc. But He reassured me there was no problem. I gave in, took a deep breath, began running, and JUMPED. The view was breathtaking. I thought to myself, “Wow. If I had known how beautiful this would be, I wouldn’t have been so scared to jump.”
I woke up. I knew right away what I had to do - take the leap of faith; run and jump off the cliff. I knew on my own, with my messy past and “wearing my wrong clothes”, I was by no means qualified or confident. But I had a Teacher who was with me, ready to pull the strings as I sat back and simply watched everything unfold before me. All I had to do was jump.
PART 3 HOW HE ASKED | SHARON
November 30, 2014 was a cold and rainy Sunday. I went to church and was about to take a seat when James Sudarsono approached me and asked me if he could talk to me after service. I thought nothing of it and told him, “Sure!” During praise and worship, out of the blue, I asked the Holy Spirit, “What about James, God?” As in, “Could he be a prospect…?” I heard nothing but one word -- “Wait.”
I found James after the service ended and asked if he still wanted to talk. He said yes. Looking for a place to chat privately, we ended up talking in the church balcony since it was raining outside. I was still completely oblivious to the intent of this conversation. He began by sharing a little bit of his testimony, how God had been redeeming His life from depression ever since our church retreat a few weeks back. He shared how God was moving at his campus in Berkeley and how he was passionate to serve back home at our church in Walnut. I was so encouraged to hear this! It was a very encouraging conversation… but of course, it didn’t end there.
Apparently God did a lot more at the retreat than I had thought. Not only did James leave the retreat freed, refreshed, and on fire for Jesus, he left with a big crush on the retreat worship leader -- me. I’ll never forget how he told me. Awkwardly ,yet boldly, he said, “This is very awkward for me to say so I’m going to look over here while I say it.” And looking two feet away to my right he said the sentence that set my mind to complete surprise, “For the past few weeks, I’ve developed a crush on you.”
Yup. He said it. And I was completely shocked. James Sudarsono just told me he had a crush on me. [Whaattt?!?!] I was very flattered and also in complete disbelief. My heart was racing and my mind couldn't wrap my head around the fact.
He didn't stop there.
PART 4 HOW I ASKED | JAMES
PHEW. IT IS FINISHED. I shared with her what my intent was, that I wanted to get to know her a bit, see if our personalities seemed to match, then when I came back home in December, I wanted to talk to her parents and ask for their permission to court their daughter. I had no idea what was running through her head, but all I remember her saying was “Wow, you’re really serious about this.” DANG RIGHT I’M SERIOUS. YOU HOT. (Ok, that last part wasn’t really what I was thinking. Haha)
I jumped in a car back up to Berkeley, my mind still racing at what had just happened. Did I really just tell Sharon Tan that I liked her?? I got a text from her, telling me that she had given the idea some thought, and instead of talking/texting to get to know each other, she thought it would be a good idea to press pause on communication, and spend some time praying. We would both talk to our parents, asking them to pray alongside us, and we would seek God out in all of this. I liked this girl already.
PART 5 THE WAITING | JAMES
The next few weeks were absolutely unreal. I woke up Monday morning and spent time in prayer. I broke out my Bible, turned on some Jesus Culture song, and MAN the presence of God just hit me like a ton of bricks. I found myself kneeling on the floor of my little Berkeley apartment, crying my eyes out. I just couldn’t get enough of God. The Word just began to jump out at me, and I consumed chapter after chapter, as if reading this Book for the first time. It felt like my whole life, I had known OF God, but now a switch had been flipped, and I was just now getting to KNOW Him. As I drew in, I felt the desires for the things of this world beginning to fade. It almost didn’t make any sense - no high that I had experienced, no pull from a joint, no roll during EDC, no buzz or blackout from what I drank could compare to what I was experiencing in God’s presence.
I had taken the time to listen the different prophetic words that people had given me over the years, and came across one from Dr. James Goll. He said a number of things, but one item stuck out to me - he kept saying that God was calling me to be His Daniel. I started to dig into the book of Daniel, and I saw the massive favor God poured out into his life. He had a wisdom and understanding unmatched by any of his contemporaries; he was skilled in the language and culture of the Babylonians, given the gift to interpret dreams and visions, and he was brought in as the advisor to a powerful, pagan king, and of course, he was tried heavily by being thrown into a den of lions, but yet he stood for his God. I saw that Daniel and the young Jewish men with him fasted for ten days, so I felt I wanted to do the same. Sharon and I had not talked this entire time, but I used the opportunity to text her and mention I wanted to fast for the next ten days.
She texted me back, saying that it was funny I mentioned the prophetic word from James Goll because she had just been reading over a prophetic word James Goll had given her. We decided fasting together those next ten days was not just a good thing, but maybe a "God thing".
I simply could not get enough of His presence. I kept pressing in, and I began to really hear God like never before. I remember sitting in Milano Cafe, just across from campus, with headphones plugged in, listening to some worship music, Bible open on the cafe table, pen in hand. And I would just write, and write, and write. The things I heard God speak over me, over my life, speaking words of value and redemption over His son who had spent time away and was now being welcomed back into the arms of a loving Father.
I had to share this. I posted on a Facebook group at the church I had attended in Berkeley, telling them I had been living with one foot in the world and one in the church all these years, but God was doing an incredible thing in my life, and I would buy lunch or dinner for anyone willing to sit down with me, as long as we could talk about Jesus. Anything to share about what my God was doing.
That week, for the first time in my life, I prophesied over someone. One of the brothers from Livingwater Church, MuYoung, and I had dinner; at the end of the evening, I asked if I could pray for him, and I heard the Holy Spirit urge in my heart, “Prophesy over him.” I didn’t really know what that looked like, but I just moved in obedience and asked him out loud, “Is it okay if I prophesy over you right now?” MuYoung graciously agreed, and I began to just declare words over his life. I found myself blurting out, “There is something about the words that come out of your mouth, that you are a teacher, and the words that you speak are going to impact thousand and thousands of people.” It made no sense to me, but I knew I had obeyed God, and when I asked him if that meant anything, to my surprise, he said yes! One of his dreams was actually to get his doctorate in theology and write books, so that prayer was right on. WOW. This continued for days, as I met with person after person, asking if I could just share with them what God was up to in my life.
I didn’t know what was happening, but I just wanted to know Jesus all the more. It was the most radical, Holy Spirit-filled, God encounter riddled few weeks of my life.
PART 6 THE WAITING | SHARON
The day James told me he liked me was one crazy day. I was still confounded and shocked. I laughed to myself as I turned on my car and instantaneously Steffany Gretzinger’s song, Promise I Always Will, a beautiful wedding song, played. Not to mention as I pulled into my driveway, the song No Fear In Love randomly played. Laughing again I said, “God… what are you doing…”
I drove home thinking of all that was happening and remember talking heart to heart with Jesus. I told Him that I didn’t want to mess things up again and I didn't want to be stupid. I asked Him to guard my heart. So I decided right then and there that instead of getting to know James, I would pause all communication for the next few weeks so I could hear God clearly. No distractions. No mushy feelings and butterflies. No attachments. I needed God to make my steps firm and clear.
Coming home that night I told my parents all that had happened. It felt so freeing to be able to share everything openly and already see that God was up to something. From the very start, we walked through this journey together. There was no tension. There was no hiding; there were no secrets. Just as it should be.
My dad came into my room that night, teary eyed. I’ll never forget his words, “Isn’t this beautiful, Sharon? This is how it was always supposed to be.” I know I broke his heart in the season past, and that our relationship suffered much hurt and misunderstanding. But it was as if God was blessing this new season from the get-go, starting from the head down. He truly is a God of restoration. I looked at my dad, his face full of love and joy, and said, “Yes, it’s beautiful.”
The three-week waiting period was fun. I would wake up in the morning and just exclaim aloud, “This is weird! This is so weird… This is so weird!!!” Seriously. When someone you’ve known your whole life, that has never liked you, and that you’ve never liked before, and that you now think is a pretty good catch, suddenly tells you he has a crush on you and wants to get serious, you go a little crazy (Phew! Bear with me).
I love how when God speaks, He speaks in a way that is personal and specifically meaningful to us. He chooses to personalize His words in a way that somehow only we will understand. Through many of these kinds of moments, God pointed me in the “Yes” direction towards James. I'll spare you all the details, but here's two of the ways God confirmed I was in the right direction:
1. In my early teen years, I read about someone who had written down a detailed list of “Husband Requirements.” She committedly prayed over the list and waited on God to do the rest. Fast forward, when she met her husband, he fitted every single detail. So of course, wanting the same results, I wrote down my own list of what I would want in a future husband. I didn’t want to be whimsical about it, so I asked the Holy Spirit to guide me as I wrote down my heart’s desires. Well, as you may have guessed by now, James fit every single detail. I remembering searching for that piece of paper and being shocked at how accurate everything was. I probably have some of you curious now about what I had written! Maybe we can grab coffee sometime and I’ll share ;)
2. My favorite time spent with God is usually at the piano. Sometime during those three weeks, I was at worshipping at the piano, when I was suddenly reminded of something. A couples years back I took a walk with my mom and we started to talk about guys. She asked me what I wanted in a guy and I told her that I didn’t want to fall in love with any guy until I fell completely in love with Jesus first. As I remembered that conversation with my mom, my heart became so overwhelmed as I realized that was exactly what had been happening. As I had already mentioned, God had brought me from a very tough season, into a beautiful new season where He was blowing my mind with His love for me. I had fallen in love with Jesus like I had never known or loved Him before. And into this frame, steps in James. Could God’s timing be more perfect? I was blown away how God never forgot that request of mine. The wonders of His love are in those kinds of details, the ones where He proves to us that He does hear us and know us best of all.
PART 7 THE FACETIME CALL | JAMES
Ten days had finally passed, and coincidentally, it landed on my birthday - December 13th, 2014. I turned 21 that day.
I woke up the morning of my birthday, with one thing on my mind: today is the day. I couldn’t decide whether I should call or text Sharon, or if I should just wait. She was the one who requested the time to pray, so I wanted to respect her wishes. Another 30 minutes rolled by, and I got a text - it was Sharon. She wished me a happy birthday, and mentioned that it was the end of our agreed ten-day fast, and that we should talk about what God had been doing this far. We texted back and forth a bit, and we set a FaceTime appointment for 9PM.
I went to dinner that night in Ktown of Oakland, along with Joshua Surjono, Jonathan Choi, Brian Park, Justin Suen, and Paul Lim. The food was good, but to be honest, I was itching to get back to my apartment and talk to Sharon. I quickly texted her when I was on my way back, and I got home closer to 10:00PM.
It was time. I shut the door to my room, sat at my desk, opened my laptop, and clicked the button. Sharon picked up the call, and after a couple of polite, albeit slightly awkward, exchanges and birthday wishes, I didn’t know where to begin. My heart was racing. I asked her if we could pray first, so I did. I said a simple prayer, asking God to be with us in our conversation, and inviting the Holy Spirit to guide what we spoke about.
I started to share everything that had happened for the past few weeks… I went on and on, passionately recounting the stories of spending time with God, of hearing Him speak so clearly to me, and of sharing with and praying for those around me. I must have talked for an hour to an hour and a half, and when I finally finished, I took a deep breath and smiled at her, saying, “I think that’s it.”
She started laughing. I was quite confused, and asked her what was so funny, to which she replied, “You’ve been talking for over an hour, and this entire time, you haven’t mentioned one word about me.” Oh no, I thought. But she told me it was a good thing. She told me that her prayer had been that she didn’t want to get involved in a relationship if she felt like it was going to draw her away from her relationship from God, and that if this was “it”, I had to be someone who would cause her to fall even more in love with Jesus.
There was something starkly different about this conversation. There were times that Sharon would be talking, and I would just feel the presence of God seem to invade the room, almost as if the atmosphere would suddenly become…dense. I would close my eyes, and not realize that I had my eyes closed for 30 seconds or more, then panic and open my eyes to make sure Sharon didn’t think I was weird. But I would look and see that she had her eyes shut just as I did; we both felt that same overwhelming, tangible presence of God.
We rallied back and forth, sharing the different things God put on our hearts, and without realizing it, we had talked for about five hours, not ending until 3:00AM. I ended the call, with a surreally reassuring confidence in what I was getting myself into.
I called my parents the next afternoon, sharing with them as I had been for the past couple weeks. They knew I had my call with Sharon the night before, and when they asked how it went, I told them, “I don’t know how else to put it… but I think I’m going to marry this girl.” I don’t quite remember their response, but they cautiously gave me their support, telling me they didn’t quite understand all that was going on, but that they had been praying for us, as well, and they could not be happier.
PART 8 THE FACETIME CALL | SHARON
James pretty much summed up that Facetime call. Who knew that God could move through Facetime? Whenever I share that story, I always tell people that I had never felt God’s presence as strongly in my life than in that 5-hour call. The instant James opened up in prayer, I began to tear up, God’s presence filling my room. It was as if He knew (well, of course He knew. He’s God!) we were about to start a life changing call and decided to show up join the conversation. I get goosebumps even as I write this. God was so real in that moment, so tangible.
James sure did talk a lot – 1 hour straight, to be exact. But somehow I didn’t mind it. I was in awe at what God was doing. Just that morning, I was prepping for our call and telling God, “I actually don’t want a boyfriend. I don’t need to be in a relationship. I am so satisfied with where I am with You that I cannot bear to have this ruined. So if this is from You, God, You have to make it clear. He better point me to you if not, I don’t want it.” And clearly He spoke, because for that first hour, all this guy could talk about was Jesus.
It was as if we were having a conversation completely led by the Holy Spirit. Our call was filled with testimonies, random stories, and taking time to just pause and be still, waiting for God to lead the next discussion. I’m not kidding you when I say that for those 5 hours straight, you could feel the constant, steady thickness of God’s presence. My word, it was beautiful. I knew then and there that if ever I needed a confirmation, God's presence during that call was enough to give me confidence of what He was doing between me and James.
That next morning, tired from little sleep, I got up and sat in bed with one line running through my head. “I’m going to marry this guy. I’m going to marry this guy. I’m going to marry this guy.”
I went into my parents’ room to share what had happened. My parents and sister had prayed with me before the Facetime call and knew we had chatted that night. As I walked into their bathroom, I started bawling. My mom was confused and surprised. She asked, “Is this is bad cry or a good cry?” I laughed through my tears and nodded. “It’s a good cry.” They both looked at me with intrigued smiles as I voiced the words running through my head, “I’m going to marry this guy.”
PART 9 THE TALK | JAMES
We had another week before I came back home, so Sharon and I decided to continue to withhold from any communication until we were both home in LA. I made an appointment with her parents - who I knew only as the senior pastors of City Blessing Churches, Pastor Paul and Pastor Joyce Tan - the Monday after I got back home. On Sunday, Sharon and I saw each other ever so briefly; we found a few minutes to sit by the fountain outside our main building at church.
I told her that we had had our conversation the week before, and all these things were God pointing us in the right direction, but I had never stopped to ask her how she felt. What she shared with me in response, I will never forget.
She told me what had happened the morning after our FaceTime call - she had woken up, gone to her parents’ room and told them she was going to marry me.
Only a crazy person would tell someone on a third conversation that they are getting married… but I guess she was talking to someone just as crazy. I told her what I had said to my parents the day after our call: “I don’t know how else to put it… but I think I’m going to marry this girl.” We both looked at each other with a strange, yet reassuring confidence that almost seemed to say, “Good. So we’re both crazy.”
Monday rolled around. I rang the doorbell of the Tan family residence, and Pastor Paul greeted me at the door. He welcomed me inside for our 4:00PM appointment, and I came in to sit down on the couch opposite to him and his wife. With a gentle smile and a calm voice, he asked me, “So James, why are you here?”
I took a deep breath. “Pastor, with all due respect, I am here to ask for your permission to court and marry your daughter.” I began to share all that God had been doing in my life, beginning with Him delivering me from my bout with depression, bringing me out of a lifestyle of incessant partying - tainted with sex, drugs and alcohol, to catapulting me into the midst of this incredible journey for the last few weeks.
Pastor Paul and Pastor Joyce graciously listened to all I had to say, and even comforted me as I came to them as my pastors and spiritual covering to ask for forgiveness for the lifestyle I had fallen into. They began to share what they had experienced alongside their daughter, and of course, there were questions about my future plans - when I was finishing school, what industry I would work in, how I intended to support a future wife and family, etc. They shared their conclusion that walking with Sharon through this journey had been a joy for them as well, but they simply needed some time to get to know me and my character before giving their official approval. Over the next few months they were interested to see how I finished my education and lined up my future career, how I functioned in leadership and ministry positions both in Berkeley and back at home, all the while having regular one-on-one discipleship meetings with Pastor Paul, one-on-one chats with Pastor Joyce, and then all three of us spending time together.
(To fully describe what I was feeling throughout this three hour session, I must make the following note: I went to the restroom about halfway through our chat. As I looked in the mirror, I looked at the light blue button up I was wearing, and noticed that there were two DARK blue circles around my underarms. I was sweating like NO OTHER. I panicked, stepped out of the bathroom, and told Ps. Paul + Joyce that I was cold and wanted to get a sweater from my car. I would probably sweat even more under the heat, but at least it would be covered! Ok, back to your regularly scheduled programming.)
BUT in the meantime, I had their permission to spend time with Sharon to get to know her during these few months.
“How about tonight?” I shakily asked.
The same gentle smile from both her parents, “Sure.”
We decided to go to none other than the local California Pizza Kitchen for our first official date. It was December 22nd, 2014. It was also a very awkward first date; I remember the dreadful minute or two of silence as we sat in the lobby waiting for our table. We wanted to keep things confidential until we were all finalized with approval from parents, so I had a plan: I brought a Bible and placed it on the table during dinner; if anyone saw us, at least it would look like we were talking about ministry or church or something.
There we sat, two strangers who had undergone a graceful whirlwind of a “God process” together, each knowing and having confessed that we would marry one another… but we were strangers nonetheless. I still remember the first question I asked her in an attempt to get to know one another: “So… what’s your favorite color?”
PART 10 THE FIVE MONTH WAIT | JAMES
The next few months are hard to describe. It was a mix of emotions and events; from frequent trips home from Berkeley for “holidays”, letters and packages sent back and forth, to countless hours spent on FaceTime calls. It all happened so fast, but from day one, we had both felt like it was “an arranged marriage from God.” Neither of us knew the other all that well, but we grew to know and love one another as time went on. I began to learn Sharon’s character: her likes her dislikes, her dreams, what makes her upset, what encourages her, what scares her, what kind of guy she had expected to one day marry.
Days turned to weeks, weeks to months, and I no longer thought of Sharon as the girl that I was afraid to approach, but as the woman I would spend the rest of my life with.
PART 11 THE FINAL CONFIRMATIONS | JAMES
In March 2015, as I spent time back home for Spring Break, Sharon, her parents, and I went to a casual dinner at Souplantation. After dinner, we arrived at their house, and her parents invited us into the living room to talk. They sat us down, and began to talk, sharing that over the past few months, they have spent time in prayer and careful observation, even inviting counsel from their own spiritual coverings, and time has shown that this was indeed the path God intended for us. With that, they gave me their official blessing to court and marry their daughter.
PART 12 THE ENGAGEMENT | SHARON
It was very exciting for James and I to finally break the news to our friends and family. We were overwhelmed by the amount of love and encouragement we received. I remember having lunch with my aunt and uncle, sharing the story of what had been happening the past few months. They both cried through it all. Apparently they had been praying for us to get together and had no idea what God was doing behind the scenes (what?!!). So when they heard the news, they were surprised and so excited. There were many more God-moments like these that gave me so much peace and confidence in what God was doing. He was speaking not just to myself and James, but to the people around us as well.
Fast forward two years and one month later, the day finally came. I was expecting a particular question to pop up any moment by now, always suspicious whenever James took me on a date or made plans for us.
It was April 10, 2017 and James had planned a surprise date for me. As I was getting ready, I thought to myself, “Is he going to ask me today? Nah. I don’t think so.”
The doorbell rang and there he was, handsome as ever, with a silver box in his hand (don’t get ahead of yourselves, it was not the box). I eagerly opened the gift and found a lovely white flowy dress inside. He told me to wear it on our date so I went upstairs to change into it. My mind was a bit suspicious now… this wasn’t the first time he had surprised me with an outfit, but I couldn’t help but think, “Why did he choose a white dress?” “Am I overthinking things?” “Phew, good thing I curled my hair tonight in case anything happens!”
The destination was undisclosed, but I knew we were going the direction of the beach. Country music played in the background as we chatted and relaxed, though my mind was picking at every single possible hint, trying to figure out if I would leave this date engaged.
If you know me well, you'll know Corona del Mar is a special place for me. It’s the beach where I had my Sweet 16 party, it’s where James and I would go every time before he left back to either Berkeley or Baltimore, and it is my favorite getaway spot to journal and talk to God. So when we pulled into Corona del Mar beach, you can bet the suspicions arose even more.
We walked over to the rock cliffs that overlooked the ocean. Finally making it to a quiet spot, we stood there admiring the view when out of nowhere, my sister, Lorraine, popped up on my left and said, “Hi!” I turned to her so surprised and instantly aware that something was going on (apparently my sister was the ring bearer). I turned to look at James and there he was, getting down on one knee, smiling up at me. I looked around to find five of James’ closest friends hiding around with cameras, capturing the whole thing. I turned back to James, completely stunned and surprised, as he shared his heart and said the words I’d been waiting for, “Sharon Joy Tan, will you marry me?” Cue the tears, the hugs, the screams, all of the above!
I thought that was it, but Jason Lie, one of the secret camera guys, told us he had a gift for us so we drove out to find his car that he had parked in a neighborhood nearby. We got to his car, but the sneaky guys kept walking past it, right into the porch of a cute little beach house. I was confused and even more suspicious now. The house looked dark inside, but as James opened the door, out came a huge roar of congratulations and excitement! I was speechless. He had gathered my closest friends and family, some even from out of town, all to celebrate this special day with us. It was a beautiful, perfect ending to the day.
James was my first boyfriend, the first guy that I said, "I love you" to, the first guy I'll kiss in just a few short months at our wedding. He was worth the wait. It was not an easy journey -- but the waiting seasons, sacrifices of obedience, and trusting in God all led me to see that God had always prepared the very best for me. And yes, it was so worth it.
CONCLUSION —
From the asking, the waiting, to the engagement, these past three years have been an incredible journey for the two of us, and we know that this is just the beginning of the lifelong story that God is writing. Though this is the story of how we met and journeyed through our relationship, we hope that God will reveal His extravagant love to YOU in a way that is unique to you. Your story will not be just like ours - no two stories are identical.
But wherever you are in your walk with God, we pray that He would meet you in unexpected ways, surprise you with His grace, kindness, and purpose, and show you just how much He loves you.
It seems like just yesterday that we were on that first date... but here we are, preparing to spend the rest of our lives together.
I can happily say that three and a half years later, her favorite color is still green, and those two strangers awkwardly sitting in CPK will soon be Mr. and Mrs. Sudarsono.
EPILOGUE — By James
This story was originally written and shared on our wedding website just a few months before we were married back in 2018. It has been three incredible years with the girl of my dreams, and we are now a month away from welcoming our first child into the world.
God is good. He is so, so good.
We have seen God’s hand writing the pages of this indescribably beautiful love story, and as wonderfully as it all started, the chapter we are always the most excited for is the next.