Baby Sudarsono
On November 18, 2020, James and I found out the very best of news -- we would soon welcome the very first addition to our family.
2020 was a year of completely unexpected twists and turns. In the midst of everything going on, James and I decided to fast and pray, seeking the Lord on whether or not it was the right time for us to have a baby. For a while we didn’t receive anything specific, but one afternoon I was praying and I heard the Holy Spirit tell me to not wait anymore. I was filled with confidence and peace and shared what I heard to James.
After a couple months, I had a feeling I might be pregnant and decided to take a pregnancy test. I didn’t tell James yet because I wanted to surprise him if it were true. The test, however, came out negative. I was disappointed, and began to worry slightly. The past few months I had been having pain in my lower abdomen and had done a few tests to see if anything was wrong with my reproductive system. They found extra liquid around the ovaries as if a cyst had burst, but nothing was concrete as to why I was in chronic pain. Though concerned and worried, I believed that God gave us the word to have a child in this season, for this season. So I held on in faith.
I remember driving in the car a few days after taking that test when I heard the Holy Spirit gently tell me that I would get pregnant this year. The voice came out of nowhere, but I felt so confident and full of faith when I heard it. I was even reminded of a dream I had the previous year of a family friend telling me that I would have a baby before my next birthday. I held on to these hopes and waited.
A little over two weeks later, I noticed my period still hadn’t come so I decided to take another pregnancy test. I was home alone and nervous the whole day, wondering when I should take the test. I remember spending time worshiping at the piano that morning, overcome both by God’s presence and the idea that there could possibly be a baby growing inside me. What a crazy day that would be if it were true!
Later that afternoon I took the test. I set up my phone to record the whole thing. There’s nothing like waiting during those few minutes to see whether or not that little pee stick will determine your future. I was expecting the same results as last time, but was completely shocked when a faint vertical line began to appear on the stick -- the test was positive. I was pregnant. Excitement, shock, and joy all flooded me in huge waves! I had to double check so I took a second test just to ensure the results. Sure enough, that vertical line appeared a second time. I cried tears of joy and thanked God for this precious gift of life. “I’m a mother.” This thought was so surreal and the realization of that fact brought a different kind of joy and purpose I had never felt before.
I immediately began to think of how I would tell James when he came home. I left for Michaels to buy a small box to put together the surprise, all the while smiling the biggest smile ever as I drove. Inside the box I included the pregnancy test, a small stuffed animal bunny (we had bought it on our last trip to France to one day give to our baby), and I wrote him a letter sharing the wonderful news that he was going to be a father.
My heart leapt with excitement when I heard the garage open a few hours later and I got the surprise ready upstairs. I set up my phone to secretly record his reaction when he opened the gift. I gave him the box under the pretense that it was an early birthday gift. He opened it and was confused at first, but his reaction completely changed when he found the pregnancy test at the bottom. He looked at me in surprise and asked, “Are you sure??” I was crying and laughing at the same time and nodded. Pure love and joy melted his expression and he started to tear up. The next few minutes were mixed with emotions of bewilderment, joy, anticipation, and so much love for our very first baby on the way. We cried together, jumped up and down, and tried to wrap our minds around the idea of becoming parents. We were overcome with joy.
As I sit here writing this, I am now very pregnant, with just a little over 4 weeks remaining. These past months have felt both long and short, and it’s been a beautiful journey of cherishing the beautiful miracle of carrying a real-life miracle inside me.
A few months ago I read an author’s bio that struck me and has remained with me ever since. In describing the author, the bio ended with the statement, “They have five amazing children who they consider to be their greatest ministry, assignment, and legacy.” That right there summed up everything for me. I believe parenthood is a beautiful, powerful, kingdom-purposed calling that God has given us to establish lasting impact in the next generation. This beautiful baby that I get to carry is truly my greatest ministry and assignment. James and I have the honor and the duty to raise our children to love Jesus and to carry out His Kingdom purposes through our lives.
Truly there is no greater legacy than to pass this on to the generations to follow us, that the story and power of Jesus would continue to bring change and lasting impact.
Baby Sudarsono, we cannot contain our joy and excitement to meet you very soon… Your life is already marked with powerful purpose and calling. And you are already loved so very dearly, little one.